My Blind Date from the pits of HELL...

We shall start off with my dear friend that set me up with this young lad that lead to this fabulous blind date story...
A couple years back I worked as a lead teacher at a daycare in La Center WA. For some reason I made friends with a lot of the parents. Most of which I'm still friends with. So this is where I met Dottie C. She is in her 40's, gorgeous and a very unique individual. I've babysat for her a few times, but mostly just good friends with her, she even got me a job at an interior design office after I moved back from Cali. I love her dearly but she can be a little scatterbrained and nutty sometimes! For example... The very first time I babysat for her she made sure to show me where the alcohol and her medical marijuana was... "In case you feel like partying when the kids go to sleep" Of course I didn't feel like partying, and couldn't believe she had offered! But Dottie grows on you quickly and you cant help but absolutely LOVE her to pieces! So when she decided to play match maker, I thought sure "why not?" So she proceeded to give my number out to a fellow student of hers at the Art Institute of Portland...

His name was Josh.
I talked to him a few times on the phone. He seemed nice, a little quiet, but nice. He was 22 (I think I was 20 at the time) was going to college and had a job. Seemed normal enough and we made plans for a week later. So the night came and he said he would call after he got off work and we could meet up somewhere for dinner. So I got ready, jeans and a nice top (nothing too fancy, but nice enough.) My phone rings and I figure he will ask me to meet him somewhere like Olive Garden or Red Robbin.... WRONG!!! "Can we meet at Muchas Gracias on fourth plain?" was the first thing he said to me! Side-note: I HATE HATE HATE muchos gracias... more than ANY other eatery in the world. AND the muchos gracias on fourth plain is the most ghetto one you will find ANYWHERE!! I didn't even know what to say!!! "Uhhhh I guess... I just wont eat" I replied. Thinking he might say "oh we can go somewhere else." wrong again. he replied with "OK COOL!!" FFFUUUCCCKKKK!!! That is when I knew this date was going to be priceless!

So I decided not to change and just to go with it, there is no way it could get worse... RIGHT? I make my way over to the ghetto bullet holed Muchos Gracias on fourth plain and as soon as I pull up I see a guy sitting outside. "That CANT be him" I say out loud to myself. Let me give you a visual... He wasn't ugly, but was not cute enough to make up for the dirty grey sweats, the red and green PLAID shirt and house slippers he was wearing. I swear to god I'm not making this up!!! Has this guys ever been on a date before?? I soon found out...

I compose myself, bite my tongue to keep from laughing, and go to introduce myself. To which he mumbles his name, while looking at the ground and pronounces that hes starving and this is his favorite restaurant. We go inside and he orders, without asking if I want anything, and pays for HIS food. I go after him and order a Soda. We fill up our cups, Diet coke for me, GRAVEYARD for him. Seriously is this kid 11?? So here's where it gets even better... we start to TALK... Yippy!

As this sexy, sexy date of mine inhales his plate of greasy Mexican yumminess, he proceeds to start to tell me about himself... with his mouth full and cheese hanging off his chin, of course! Lets see where shall I begin? He lives at home and was home-schooled (surprise, surprise!) He had lots of negative things say public school, to which I responded by telling him that everyone needed a social life and I doubt that he had one. He was literally the most boring person I have EVER met. He told me that he had no desire to move out because he loved him mom too much. (he loved that she made him home-made granola in the mornings... using the little choc chips NOT the big ones and packed his lunches for school everyday!) It was spring break and he also told me that he was excited for school to start back up because the only thing he had done over break was clean his room. (with Mommy's help I'm sure!) He let me know that he had no friends, had never drank and didn't intend to, had never traveled- ANYWHERE and had no desire to, had never been to a concert and spent most of his time playing computer games by himself, in his room.

I'm not done....He also let me know that I was his first date ever, which I could have guessed. Than the next thing out of his mouth was that I wasn't really his type... like he WAS my type or something!? I quickly let him know that he could never keep up with me and that for his next date he might want to think about wearing jeans and maybe, just MAYBE, showering! This is the BEST part... he then told me that he had a area code obsession and forced me to name off cities so he could tell me the area codes, that lasted for 15 horrendous minutes!

I literally had to force myself not to be too mean to him... but I did very bluntly let him know that he desperately needed to get out and experience LIFE! I couldn't believe that I had just spent an hour and a half of my life listening to this mama's boy in dirty sweats talk about nothing! I didn't think people like this kid existed! As we got up to leave he turned to me and said, "I'm trying to decide if I ever want to see you again." I quickly answered "Let me make this easy for you, If you ever travel, go to a concert or do ANYTHING exciting in life, Id like to hear about it. Until then don't try and get a hold of me! BYE!!"

I was laughing SOOOO hard when I left that I had to pull over at Clark College, about 3 blocks away. I then sat in the Clark parking lot for about an hour while I called my sisters, roommate, best friend and mom to tell them EVERY last detail of this blind date before I forgot anything!! And after that I called Dottie and said "We are NOT friends anymore..."

Side-note: I couldn't help but forgive Dot because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have this amazing story to tell people. But she knows she is forbidden to ever set me up EVER again.

double side-note: a few years later I got a call from Dot letting me know that her nephew was staying with her and that I should come over and meet him, cause he's "really cute!" I replied, "Dottie you KNOW you're not allowed to set me up..." to which she quickly shot back "but he has his penis pierced!!" OMG... bahahahaha! I love having crazy crazy friends!