funny hook up's, breakup's and disapointments...

Lets start with my favorite hookup story... (names have been changed for safety reasons. lol)

So about a year ago I was "hanging out" with Joel. I know its unusual to have a hook up relationship without one person getting attached or feelings getting hurt, but this truly was just that. I didn't really even like the guy as a person, but we had some amazing sex! Anyways we hung out for a couple months... and then it just died off. No hurt feelings, no fight, no nothing- that's how I roll! =)

Anyways one night I was hanging out at his house and there were lots of people over. I was being anti-social and was hanging out in his room watching a movie. (I was only there for ONE reason what do you expect?) So I had a piece of gum in my mouth and it was to the point where I needed to spit it out pronto. I didn't feel like walking out and throwing it away and so I neatly rolled it up and set it on a DVD case about 2 feet away from the bed, making a mental note to throw it away when I got up. A couple hours later Joel came into bed and the fun began. It was always the kind of sex that lasted all night and was a little on the crazy side... so I didn't think anything of it when we went off the bed, onto the floor, and back onto the bed again. UNTIL felt the gum in the back of his hair! (I wish I could have seen my own face at that moment- it was a HOLY FUCK face!) Anyways since it was dark I did what I thought best and pretended I hadn't just felt my ABC gum in his hair! Well it only took about 15 minutes until he figured it out himself... and what did I do? DENY DENY DENY! "How the hell did that get there?" "I didn't have any gum!" "weird!" were all my remarks. He had been drinking and decided that it was his gum and his fault. He ran downstairs to try and get it out... I buried my head in the pillow and laughed and laughed and laughed. When he came back into the room he had CUT it out and had a huge hole in the back of his head! I couldn't hide my laughter anymore and let it all out for the next 30 minutes... Lesson Learned- THROW YOUR GUM AWAY BEFORE SEX!

*side-note- I named him Joel... because ever since I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind I've wanted to date someone named Joel so I could call him Joely!! lol I love that movie. Anyone know any cute Joels?? =)


My first breakup... and no this is not a boo hoo hoo story.

His name is going to be JJ (for Jean Jacket... cause that's what my sister likes to make fun of him for!) Anyways I was a "virgin" until I was 20... I wasn't a inexperienced virgin though and was very very ready when I started dating JJ. I was ready for lots and lots and LOTS of sex. What I got was horrible, boring sex and a guy that was never ever wanting it!!! Needless to say we didn't date very long...

So after about 3 months of horrible sex once a week, I snapped. We were sitting at his house, watching TV when a commercial came on. It was one of those info-mercials for abstinence. One by one a teen came onto the screen and said their reason for not having sex. Right after it ended I turned to JJ and said "SOOOO whats your reason??" "reason for what?" he replied. "For not wanting to have sex?"... silence.

"fuck you" he said

"HA I wish!" I snipped back as I gathered my purse to left.


And that was the end. We official broke up the next day... and I went and bought myself a vibrator. =)




And for the disappointment...

My first year and a half at Clark I had a HUGE HUGE crush on Milton. (I will call him Milton because his name was just as old manish... but WORSE!) He was on the Clark basketball team and was the most gorgeous man I have ever met. It was during my black stage, but even if it hadn't have been I would have still wanted him BAD. He was THAT attractive. So we were acquaintances but never had really hung out. After about a year of crushing we ran into each other in the library and started talking. We exchanged numbers and started texting and talking. We started hanging out and I quickly figured out that he was pretty DUMB, but since I was super super attracted to him I figured I would just hangout with him for the physical part (I swear I'm not a whore!! lol) Anyways when we finally get the chance to get our physical on, it was going amazing... just his body (super built, lotsa tattoos, gorgeous smile...) got my all hot and bothered. So it gets to the point where pants come off and I almost cried... it. was. tiny. AND. crooked!!! I'd never been so disappointed in anything my whole life as I was in Milton's tiny crooked member. =( boo hoo hoo.


Lesson Learned- Black men do NOT always have big nobs.


2nd Lesson Learned- Once you go black, you CAN go back.